Oh No! It's TurnBased!
by Master of Caffeine
Summary: In a plan to make money, Namco turns ToS into a Final Fantasy clone. How will the Chosen's party react? Oneshot


Disclaimer: I don't own Namco, Tales of Symphonia, Tales Studio, Square Enix or Final Fantasy.

* * *

MOC: This story is based on true events. The events have been changed to protect the innocent - and the guilty.

* * *

It was just another day for the Chosen's party. Which of course meant more monsters.

"Leave it to me, Colette! Those monsters are toast!" Lloyd shouted so everyone could hear – monsters included.

"Great work, Lloyd. Now we're monster food."

In a familiar effect, the screen shattered, and the battle began…

* * *

**"We're going to need to change that."**

**A producer stared lazily at the screen as the game played through another random battle.**

**"We need to copy a winning formula…why don't we use the FFX battle system?"**

**A programmer sat nearby, cold sweat running down his face.**

**"B-but sir, the programmers took months to prepare that-"**

**"Shut up! It won't make us money from all those Square Enix addicts, will it?"**

**The programmer wiped tears from his eyes.**

**"…Yes, sir. It just so happens I have a pre-programmed version of the game…"**

* * *

"What the hell? I can't move!" 

Lloyd was confused. No-one had cast a spell or anything, but everyone had frozen.

"Kratos, what's going on?"

Kratos was silent. It almost seemed as if he didn't know himself.

But didn't Kratos know everything?

"…It appears that higher forces have altered the cosmos."

As always, Lloyd didn't get it.

"Huh? What does that mean?"

Raine sighed.

"There are higher beings which decide the way are universe works. Kratos is saying the way we fight has been altered – in other words, we have to take our turns."

Lloyd frowned.

"But that's no fun!"

Suddenly, a light flashed above Lloyd's head.

"Lloyd! It's your turn!" cried Raine.

* * *

**"So all I have to do is choose Attack?"**

**"Yes, sir."**

**The producer smiled.**

**"Good. Nice and simple, with none of that multiplayer crap."**

* * *

Lloyd pulled out his swords and waved them at the enemy. It flinched, and the number 45 came out of its head. 

"What was that? I said I wanted to attack it!"

Kratos was silent, lost in thought.

"We must do what we are told."

Next, the light appeared over Genis' head.

"Cool!"

Genis looked at his magic – and his jaw hit the floor.

"Fira? What the heck is Fira?"

Lloyd couldn't take this. He began to run away.

The rest of the party disappeared with him.

* * *

"Lloyd! What'd you do that for?" Genis screamed in Lloyd's face. 

Lloyd began to panic.

"Look, you were as annoyed as I was…"

Genis didn't calm down.

"But I was about to kill it…"

Raine walked between the two.

"Maybe the best way to avoid this is to avoid combat…"

Colette smiled.

"That's a good idea."

And so it was decided.

* * *

**"Strange."**

**"What?"**

**The programmer stared at the most recent readouts.**

**"This isn't what we programmed. There's dialogue in here we never programmed…"**

**The producer sighed. This guy really did work too hard.**

* * *

"Where are the enemies?" 

Lloyd was confused. Normally monsters would be scattered across the map, but now he could see nothing.

"Maybe the same people who changed the battles got rid of the monsters?" suggested Colette.

_That's good enough for me,_ Lloyd thought.

The party began to travel to their next location…that's when it happened.

All Lloyd did was take a single step…

* * *

**"You got rid of the monsters on the world map?"**

**The programmer shook his head.**

**"Again, we took it from Square Enix. Now battles are random."**

**The producer had dollar signs in his eyes.**

**"Excellent…"**

* * *

"Where'd the monsters come from?" 

Everyone was confused – even Kratos and Raine (and that took a lot).

"Again, it is the work of higher beings-"

Lloyd lost it.

"Will you shut up about these higher beings! We should be able to choose how the world works! I want to see the monsters! I don't want to 'wait my turn' in battle! I want to-"

Kratos nearly chopped Lloyd in half, but barely contained himself.

"…There is one chance."

* * *

**"…Huh? The game's stopped."**

**The programmed dashed across the room, spilling coffee onto his shirt.**

**"What do you mean?"**

**The producer was furious.**

**"Lloyd isn't doing anything. He's waving at the screen…is this some kind of joke?"**

**The programmer shook his head, knowing his job could be on the line.**

**While their attention was diverted, Lloyd began to walk towards the screen until his face covered everything else.**

**"Do the so-called 'higher beings' hear me?"**

**Neither the producer or the programmer would confess to crapping themselves when they heard that, but they did.**

**The producer saw red.**

**"This is ridiculous! You expect me to fall for that? A picture of Lloyd's face and a different piece of dialogue?"**

**Lloyd wasn't happy.**

**"I'm not fake!"**

**The producer was rolling across the floor now.**

**"This is brilliant! Hilarious!"**

**Mad, Lloyd pulled out his sword and poked the screen. A dent appeared.**

**"Eep." Squealed the programmer.**

**Lloyd grinned.**

**"I think I've made my point now…"**

_**C'mon, Lloyd. Now is not the time for puns.**_

**"We want our world back to what it was. NOW."**

**The programmed smiled secretly. There was some point to making that battle system after all.**

**Unfortunately, the producer had other ideas.**

**"And what if I say no? If I said yes, we'd end up losing money straight from the release!"**

**Lloyd's face became serious. Another dent on the screen. Then another, and another…**

**"If you refuse, you won't have a game to release at all."**

**The producer cried. He hadn't done that in years.**

**"Okay! Okay! I get it! You can have back your damn world! Just finish the game, please!"**

**The programmer was one step ahead. He was already inputting the data to return Sylvarant to normal.**

**One of the game testers came in.**

**"Sir, we're ready to try the new-"**

**To say the tester was surprised was an understatement.**

**"Sir?"**

**A certain programmer was halfway down the corridor calling 911.**

**"Yeah, my boss is suffering a nervous breakdown. I think he's going crazy…"**

* * *

"Lloyd, you did it!" 

Everyone was ready to celebrate Lloyd's victory over the 'higher beings' (except Kratos – but he never celebrated).

Unfortunately, it never happened – the memories of the party were washed, maing them forget it all. Namco thought they could hide the truth…

They were wrong.

* * *

MOC: Um...you aren't going to tell anyone at Square Enix about this, are you? 

Big Guy: Mr. Caffeine?

MOC: (sees Big Guy) Um...no?

(Several punches later...)

MOC: (bleeding and lying on floor) Ow...R&R. Please?


End file.
